On Relationships and Expectations

Wonder why there is less of peace and happiness all around with increased prosperity and education. We have better infrastructure, better education, better job and business opportunities, better technology, global migration capabilities for people, processes and capital. But the world definitely has also seen more of discontent, discord and erosion of values than ever. Culture, tradition, values and conscience are now matters relegated to books and are considered non relevant to modern living. Every person is an island and is more self centered than ever. Success at any cost, by whatever means- is the new mantra. What you possess defines you place in society and not what you are. Having has replaced being. Happiness is measured in terms of having and it has ceased to be a feeling. People have forgotten that happiness borne out of ones possessions is transitionary and temporary and it needs to be fueled continuously whereas happiness that is a feeling is permanent and it can not be taken away in any manner.
In a gathering someone commented on the replacement, of building relationships, by harboring expectations, as a key reason for the present state of affairs. How true! I was told about the virtue of not building or having expectations when I was young- I did not understand the power of this proposition then but now I see that it is expectations that are present everywhere in whatever kind of relationship parent-child, spouse to spouse, boss to subordinate and so on and very few are interested in strengthening the relationships. Expectations are mostly about receiving or getting what one expects whereas relationships is all about giving and supporting others, not necessarily financially but as advisors, well wishers and mentors. Take a simple example you expect something from some one if it materialises you are not THAT happy as you were expecting it to happen and if it doesnt then you are pained. Substitute non expectation and you realise that you are very happy as something happened that you did not expect and not at all unhappy if it doesnt happen.
When one harbors expectations the key to his happiness is in other peoples hand from whom he/she expects whereas when you are into nurturing relationships then the key to your happiness is in your hands as you are the one in control of inputs for your happiness. We need to understand that happiness is absolute and not relative- it is you, your conscience that define your happiness and not the society or keeping up with the competetion sort of feeling which will have a bearing on state of happiness.